I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
