I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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