There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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