drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
