Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
