I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
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do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
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It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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