I should be sponsored by Trojan
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
