i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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