Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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