dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
