batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
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i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My liver can't handle being unemployed!