she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice