The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
