Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
