I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Only a mothe r could love this liver
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.