So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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