the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
