before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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