just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
