please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
