You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
