Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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