i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
