I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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