i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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