i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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