Well apparently he's into motor boating.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
