that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
