and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
