Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just had sex on a roof
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
