So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
