tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
