My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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