Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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