How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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