its not stalking. its research.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
