I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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