do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
