Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize