we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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