I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
