I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
