Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
