those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
