"it" just moved
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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