2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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