singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
