Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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