We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
