You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Less talking, more tequila
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
