i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
