I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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