There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize