I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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