Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
