i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
