She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
