last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
