when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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