Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
