he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize