Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
