I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
