Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
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I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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