I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I fill condoms, not promises.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
