I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
