I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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