How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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