Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
