Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
