We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
