i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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