You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
