is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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