My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I am naked and annoyed.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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