So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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