i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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