i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
